Friendship can be synthetic and manufactured.

I wonder why most people are around when things are going good. When you get your new car, they're right there to ride in it. You just got a new job, they're there., you just got paid, they're there. They're there when all those amazing things happen in your life.

But where are they when you can't pay your rent? Where are they when you break your car? When you get evicted? Oh boy! I can't see them. They're not there! There are some people that can easily find their way to the door when it's time for you to deal with some hardship. People who are only hitting us up when they need us.

In a world where almost everything is artificial, you can only count a few who will really be at your side when something totally earth-shattering happens to you. People who are there when you are at your very lowest. Unfortunately, some friendships are not strong enough to hold on in adversity and bad times.

Friendship is not about who left but about who stays with you and weathers each and every storm and I’ve been lucky in this life to have a best friend and a few good friends that I can count on to be there when I need them. There have also been some hard lessons too. I have learned that I trust too much, share too much and give too much some of the time to people who just wouldn’t do the same for me. This has left me a bit more closed off than I used to be. I am slowly learning who is important and who really cares. I am learning who deserves my friendship and who I should forget.

 

This is how the weather is like today. It's foggy, wet and cold; and with the 24° temperature; I'm already wearing a sweater. Hurray! It's winter... hahaha!

All we can do is pray ~~

Last Friday, my family braced ourselves for the wrath of the Super Typhoon Yolanda. The massive rainfall and the sound of the whizzing wind frightened me so much. But my fear is nothing compared to the horror that the people in the central Philippines felt. I saw the footage and pictures in the news last night and the sight of devastation in many areas in the Philippines was heart-breaking. The fury of the most powerful typhoon ever recorded left thousands of people homeless and buried many cities underneath mud.

Many Filipinos' live in shanty areas, with house made of bamboo, ply and ridged iron roofs. When you're faced with the scenario like this, you can only pray, pray, pray and pray. It's hard to imagine the substantial loss of lives and properties. Looking at the TV monitor, I can feel the horrifying terror and the insatiable sorrow of losing the people they love. And if it were me, I would really lose my mind. It took me back to my childhood memories when my family used to live in a shack. I remember all the sleepless nights my family had whenever we battle every typhoon that ravaged our town. The dread of seeing every bit of our  house torned and all the crops ripped brought so much tears. And yes, the hunger qualm almost brought me to unconsciousness.

But here we are. We have endured a seemingly never-ending pattern of deadly disasters including countless typhoons. I know that just like any other calamities, we're going to stand again and re-build our lives.  We have proven this so many times. The unsurpassed Filipino resilience will again surface. We have unwavering faith and we ~ I strongly believe that this too shall pass.

Despair

There's a creeping resignation that climbs to every vein of my body. Like a virus that infects the living cells and slowly succumbing the entire organ until it finally breaks down. I'm gasping for air. I'm  drowning and there's no one to save me. I sometimes just want to vanish into oblivion and never return. Yet, I'm here, I can't untangle myself to this life I've chosen. There's a conflicting emotion that drags me to thinking that perhaps I have chosen the wrong path.

I look at the people around me and I wonder what's making them happy and hopeful. Then there's the popular cliché about contentment and gratefulness. I tried plastering them into the four corners of my room. But every so often the room gets darkened; I can't see the walls; the signs. Fear will start to trickle down my spine winding me with random thoughts on how dreams may sometimes not come true. I battle it everyday. Seems that the more I long for triumph, the farther it gets. It's like turning to every corner and finding out that its blocked, knocking to each door that won't open, going through each possibility round and round over the same old ground. I'm terrified of losing that one tiny flicker of hope. Yet despite the overwhelming panic of losing once again, a tiny part of me refuses to give up.